I am so excited about launching Learning-for-living. We actually bought the name not long after we first returned to Northern Ireland in 2000 and NoW at last I feel the time has come….My time has come!
I’ve sat awhile trying to figure what deserves the prime spot in this my new blog, who am I writing for? What of my experience is worthy of sharing?
There is al so the occasional notion that my experience shared, might be of value to you too, that others might be spared some of the learning time delay.
The last 13 years has been a lifetime long. so much learning for living indeed.
Just a couple of days ago, during some personal work with a fellow practitioner, my mind created a fantastic scene – one me is standing left, very calm, upright,peacefully waiting and looking over at another me. this other is swiping away invisible assailants, using a lot of energy trying to break through this unseen tangle.Still me simply says ‘ I’m here. Whenever you choose you can move over here, join me.’ The struggle continues now less intensely, and is punctuated with pauses in the activity, when ‘right’ me seems a bit bewildered at what that could possibly mean. ‘Right’ me really doesn’t know what thing she is meant to ‘do’ to stop the struggle while my other waits with open arms. And somewhere in this mutual recognition that dances on between the two, ‘right’ me slows down and becomes still, and the two join and embrace, integrating, before right me steps back with compassion to check whats changed, waiting to see what happens next.
And that about sums up so many of the years since returning to live in my original hometown. When we came back with 2 little children I brought all my hope, energy, commitment to establishing the family unit and the seemingly boundless ideas and openmindedness and experience of change I’d gathered since 1983 in developing me and others . There was a new ‘ Norn Iron’ aiming at peace and here we were ready to bring all our gifts to the future here.
Somehow I underestimated the impossibility of ‘coming back’. There is no back. life moves forward and the kaleidoscope subtly shifts to a different complex pattern. the me who returned after so many years could not be met by those who believed they knew me, from an old image they held and I couldn’t get back there to join them.
Then at some point amid all the striving, aiming, working, pulling off the amazing juggling act of being a wholly committed mother and a business change facilitator trainer consultant and coach, I started to unravel into ill health.
The seemingly impossible dream of settling into the community and establishing friends and social connection as well as meaningful relationships in school church and business, to say nothing of family,finally caught up on me.
And I got lost in a desert of dis-ease in the name of Rheumatoid Arthritis, amidst major events and episodes of rejection, trauma and very high stress.
The content of those stories seems irrelevant now, as Ive cleaned them up and moved from depression and back into the light. during those years I still managed to pull off some amazing feats, always one who would rise to the challenge and adrenalin rush of some major project. The years were punctuated with some bursts of great consulting and coaching work, each one more mature and insightful, but the dis ease had got a grip and took its invisible toll.
When I decided to go to a first workshop on meridian tapping(FasterEFT) I was at a very deep low. Increasing pain fatigue and an overwhelming sense of being lost had brought me down and I was virtually unable to get dressed let alone face a group of people ina workshop setting.
But 20 mins into a demonstration session with me in the chair I emerged into peace and hope. the depression started to lift and now a few years on I am seeing the snow on top of that mountain.
In that few minutes I was introduced to the means whereby I could bring all of me together as a whole. With this conscious/unconscious process I began to bring to surface and release all my grief for my dear sister Margaret, whose death had such a big unconscious part to play in our decision to return to Ireland. I could finally really clean up my own ancient history. I had understood my childhood story for many years now. Understanding how early years upbringing drives so much adult behaviour had such a powerful impact on me way back in 1983, that it dictated my life’s work . However until now in 2010 I had no means of actually transforming that experience to let it go. Now I was able to face all the demons of my feelings and self beliefs that I had done so well to mask or appease, and so I began to open them to the light and clean them up through tapping. With the renewed energy I had begun to gather myself back, allowing all my experiencing to come together. With it my 30 years facilitating others development has become whole and potent and very clear. I am so excited at bringing forward the best of my Em 4 creation into the corporate and social economy. The therapeutic work, which for so many years formed my bedrock of practise has softened to a style of coaching and consulting that brings the very best of all my learnings together with astounding results. The emotional freedom work as a Fastereft practitioner, grows as part of me and weaves its way through all my work.
My journey to health continues alongside the integration of my skills.
All of this, all of it, begins and ends with me and my ongoing work with self!
There is no end point. No destination. This way of being open to experiencing is the destination. I am delighted to see that communicated through my relating. It makes me an even better practitioner.
That ‘right me’ busy thrashing around is gradually easing up enough to be free to be still. She no longer needs to be ‘right’ all the time, maybe content with Not knowing as much as knowing. The quiet still and assertive me , waiting with open arms is a joy. I’m so glad to know Im there.
As ordinary life throws up its struggles and invites me to hook up into the old thrashing, I smile from the other place of calm, full of compassion and waiting to embrace the struggle and set down her need to be right…created from Fear.
It is indeed all about sharing Learning for Living.